David Ray has been a long-time friend who was a listener of mine when I was on Eagle 106.7 in Atlanta. Do you remember when I worked there? Yes, it is the same one that fired me five years and a week ago.
David was a gunnery sergeant in the Marine Corps. He forwards me tidbits he deems eye-openers. I think he has another gem that I want to pass along to you dear readers. It is about adult truths. Things that the younger generations don’t have a clue about. An example is nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. Sometimes, I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet. Map Quest really needs to start their directions at No. 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
The adult truths continue with: wouldn’t obituaries be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired. Bad decisions make good stories. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet that on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Light than with Kay.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid the Hood” routing option.
David’s list concludes with: even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about two seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
Spring break at Kennesaw State was last week. I now begin the mental preparation for the return of 135 students who went to Myrtle Beach, Panama City, Cancun, and the Bahamas and are in dire need of rest from their rest.
Can you believe Easter Sunday is three weeks away? Do you remember when a Cadbury egg costs a dime? I was in the Pig the other day and saw a bottle of Double Cola. I have not seen that brand in 30 years.
I am two weeks into the swing of drinking a lot of fruit and vegetables via the Ninja blender. Energy level is through the roof, and I have cut back on red meat except once a week when I eat a whole cow. Dr. Trevor Woodhams in Atlanta got rid of a cataract last Tuesday, and I will no longer require a cane and a dog. Spring is a week and a half away. The 13th is next Wednesday. Do you recall 20 years ago on March 13 when we got a huge amount of snow?
Spring or the Vernal Equinox begins on the 20th, and today I will spend it going around the house springing forward the clocks and time pieces. Daylight saving time begins Sunday morning at 2 a.m. if you want to stay up for it tonight.
Driving through Haralson County a week or so ago I saw a bunch of wild turkeys on the side of the road. I told a colleague of mine about it and he went and grabbed a shot glass. I had to explain to him it wasn’t that kind of Wild Turkey. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to use the self checkout at the store. How many of you remember when we lived without barcodes and scanners?
Happy birthday to Anne Lee, the bride of Tallapoosa’s Tommy Lee for her recent birthday. Tommy is in his first year as a member of the Carroll County Commission.
A week from today I hope you will watch Georgia Public Broadcasting for a special program about bluesman Muddy Waters and the legendary Rolling Stones. I will be one of the folks asking for money. I like GPB and I have missed their broadcasts of Downton Abbey the past few Sunday nights. That show made me realize that I will never be rich enough to afford a butler, footman or an upstairs maid. I don’t have an upstairs, and if I had a butler my neighbor Frank Kitchens would point and laugh at him. Eighty nine years ago today my mother was born on Freeman Street. I need to go over and take some flowers over to the cemetery today. As Coach Bryant used to say, “call your mama, because I sure wish I could call mine.”
Rhubarb Jones is a Tallapoosa native and a Distinguished Lecturer in the Department of Communication at Kennesaw State University. Jones is Director of Special Project in the Office of Development at KSU. Comments may be sent to P.O. Box 6, Tallapoosa, GA 30176 or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org Previous columns are at www.tallapoosa-journal.com.